Quitting

I quit my job last week. Taking this kind of risk is really out of character for me and this is a decision I went back and forth with many times. I didn’t have something else lined up, I wasn’t sure how it would look on my resume, and I really wanted to try and make the best of the situation and stick with it.

I knew there was going to be a point that I just couldn’t take it anymore, and last Wednesday was that day. When I woke up, I had the familiar anxious stomach ache that I’ve had off and on for the past few months. There is nothing worse than waking up stressed out because working through it is impossible when you have shit to do. I couldn’t keep the tears out of my eyes and the harder I tried to fight them away, the more came. This was the exact same way I felt my first day on the phones, and other days throughout my time at this job. I finally came to the realization that if I was still feeling this way after making so many calls, it just wasn’t going to get any better.

I’m scared that I’m not going to be able to figure everything out in the timing I need. I’m scared that I won’t be able to get another job. I’m scared that quitting will reflect poorly on me in the eyes of employers. I’m scared because I have no idea what the next month or so holds. I’m so scared but I know that this was the right decision for me. Making this decision is the most in control I have felt in a while. I’m so proud of myself for knowing that I had already pushed past my breaking point trying to make this work. I didn’t give up, I chose to end something that caused me so much pain. It is brave to walk away from something that no longer serves you.

I’ve tried to make so many major life decisions recently and have put so much pressure on figuring out what I want to do in life and being successful. It’s okay to take a step back for a little bit. I am only 2 years into my twenties. I’m only starting to figure out who I am. Figuring everything else out is going to just be a trial and error thing. What I can do my best at is trying my best at everything I try and forgive myself for when I find out something I hoped would work, doesn’t.

I’m glad I had this experience because now I’m approaching the job search completely different. I was so worried about writing the “right” cover letter or saying the “right” thing in an interview. I asked every company that let me know they were not going to hire me to give me feedback. I always had good feedback it was just that someone else had what they wanted.  I would get so nervous in interviews because I was worried that I wasn’t going to be able to come up with a quick answer to every question. Taking a step back and really getting to the root of what was making me nervous allowed me to figure out how to stop the feeling. If you feel the same way, here are somethings that I’m reminding myself:

  1. No one is going to remember every detail of what you said in an interview. While the interview may have been a big part of your day, you’re just a small part of someone elses’.
  2. 80% of communication is body language. If you’re going to worry about something, worry about looking confident (but not too much or else you won’t look confident).
  3. No matter what happens you will come out of that interview being better at interviewing.
  4. You are just as important as everyone else in the room. Ask questions and make sure the job will be a good fit for you.

The whole reason I stayed so long with this job was because I was worried about what it would look like to the outside world. I was worried what it would do to my hiring potential. I was worried that I didn’t try hard enough or stick it out long enough. But on Wednesday I took a step back and thought if this is still this shitty, what needed to happen for me to decide I was done. I knew on the first day on the phones that it was going to be a temporary thing. I realized that I still felt the way I felt on the first day was the same exact way I was feeling on the first day, even knowing that I was learning it quickly and actually pretty good at it, I knew it was time.

This year has been about trusting myself and my gut and just life in general. I tried my best to make this opportunity work for me, now it is time to find the next one. I now have a clear goal for what I want and need out of a job. I’m confident that what I’m looking for is out there for me and that I am ready for it. I’ve been amazed with how many doors have opened for me in the past week.

Trust that everything you want is out there for you and you have everything you need to get it. Timing can’t be controlled so all need to do is keep moving forward. And always remember that you and everyone else is just a human. This song is a good reminder for that.

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