Saying no is not something that comes naturally to me. Part of it is because I am part of the FOMO generation. The other part of it is I have this deep rooted fear of being forgotten. I think that if I say no to things, I’ll stop getting invited and eventually wind up with no friends.
I’ve made an efffort to notice my thought patterns for the past few years but in the past month, I’ve committed to just being an observer. My perfectionism makes me want to “fix” the thought patterns right away. But I’ve noticed that just being an observer is more powerful. Interrupting your negative thoughts with criticism just feeds the negativity. Taking a neutral observer role to your thoughts allows you to notice patterns, both negative and positive. When I have a good thought, I make sure to notice it and I expresses gratitude in my mind for it. When I have a negative thought, I just think about where it came from and why it’s there. Then I make an effort to follow it up with the positive thought and try not to get lost in the analysis. Noticing my thought patterns has made it easier to change and meet my goals for myself.
During the week, I have no problem spending time alone and have gotten better at saying no. I still have a hard time with Friday and Saturday though. I’m an extrovert so I am drawn to people and spending time alone is less natural. I need alone time but it’s hard to say no to fun stuff just to be alone. I know everyone talks about this, but it is SO true: you need to put your needs first. What you probably haven’t thought about is that you have to put your needs ahead of your fears. I have a hard time saying no because of FOMO and the fear of being forgotten but when I socialize when I’m not really feeling it, I just get pissed off and mad about spending money.
Last night, I committed to staying in and hanging out with myself. FOMO thoughts came up but instead of entertaining them, I let them pass and focused on myself and my goals (spend less, eat/drink out less, more meditation and journaling). Once I got past my fears, it felt so good. And I woke up feeling great. I went to an 8:30 rooftop yoga class and had a great practice. I wasn’t hungover or bloated from eating out or guilty about how much money I spent.
Have a great weekend everyone!